Cratering

A half-stack doesn't fit in the trunk.

wordpress visitor

Cratering

a half-stack doesn't fit in the trunk

Bothering me today:

Copywriters who don’t know what “wherefore” means in the most famous soliloquy in the English language. This comes up a lot this time of year.

In the commercial, when the invariably bad voice actress with a terrible stage accent says, “Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?” and the even worse, “comical” voice actor responds with, “I’m right here, Juliet, and let’s go to the sale at the furniture store!” or whatever, YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG in so, so many ways.

She is musing on WHY he was thrust into her life, and the impossible contradictions and conundrums their doomed union presents. She wants an explanation from her Maker. She is not asking where the boyf is at that moment.

Now, it is possible that Shakespeare was executing a play on words, toying with the similarity of “where” and “wherefore” since Romeo was near the balcony and Shakespeare did shit like that.

BUT YOU, DUMBASS, UNFUNNY COPYWRITER, DID NOT MEAN THAT SO YOU DON’T GET A POINT.

Just stop. Stick to cliches about failed relationships and the other thousand terrible, tired tropes you trot out. The “shrewy wife/stupid husband” plot is one of my faves. Please stop mistaking “wherefore” for “where” in the meantime while selling carpet.

Oh, thank God. I thought we had hunted the prized Can Fish to extinction a century ago. Imagine my surprise and relief to find that there is a whole aisle dedicated to this single species at the Jewel.

Oh, thank God. I thought we had hunted the prized Can Fish to extinction a century ago. Imagine my surprise and relief to find that there is a whole aisle dedicated to this single species at the Jewel.